"When Diamonds are Not Enough"

"When diamonds aren't forever. 1-800-DIVORCE" - Divorce has become so mainstream in our present society. It seems so normal. I watch movies and I am rooting for the new guy after the dreaded marriage ends in divorce. Marriage seems disposable in our society. As if our motto is not "Till death do us part" but instead… "Until it gets too hard for me to bother". Yes, I know it's not always so clear cut - sometimes a spouse is in a life or death situation, and that is a different scenario.

I like romance movies. I often binge watch them... I am starting to change that habit because I am becoming more and more aware of its effects on me. And effects it does have. They usually have this concept of "the one", I used to believe in that! I used to think that there was just one person and that I could not be happy until I found him. That I would not be complete until I met him and married him. That God's plan for my life would not happen if I was not with the one. Until a college professor I hold dear put that concept into perspective. She said that when we have that type of thinking we are saying that God is here (hold your hand up to your eyes) and that we and the decisions we make are here (hold your hand up to your chin) and if we do not make the right decisions all of God's plans will fall apart. Well that does not fit the description of God, I grew up learning about. I was told He is the Creator of the entire world, in fact He existed before anything else. I started calling Him the Master-mind. His plans will never fall apart because He is beyond my one decision.

So where does my love life fit in? Well, I had to learn to define love correctly. Love is NOT an emotion, it is a choice.

How do we choose? We have access to many tools like wisdom, knowledge, the example of people around us, the counsel of people who have done marriage successfully – and these tools can help us love the appropriate person we choose through the use of all those tools.

My husband chose to love me. What does that look like? Well, our first year of marriage was very discouraging. I admit that my sanity flew out the window. I was confused most often than not, and it showed in all areas of my life. I was someone very hard to live with, and I knew it. Even that was hard to deal with. I saw the pain I was causing him and I was so confused I did not know how to put an end to it! BUT he stayed. He remained faithful to the commitment he made when he said he chose to marry me. He proved he loved me. It was not a "lovey dovey" type of year, it was a daily choice. It is a daily choice. By God's grace we have passed three years of marriage and we continue to make the choice to love each other. I say often I am learning to love him, because the definition that God gives to love is quite intense! I feel like I lie if I do not give the disclaimer that I am still learning.

So, divorce is not an option for me. I admit it is often not easy. Every day, one decision at a time I choose to show and do love. Sometimes I have to backtrack and adjust something... but that is ok. I am still learning, and it is great to know that here he still is… sitting on the couch next to me, both on our computers. He told me maybe 5 minutes ago… "I am glad I am with you." WOW!! We are in it together… committed to learning.

#WhatSaddensMe #Marriage